I have an odd bump on my back, just to the left of my right shoulder blade. It's about the size of a flattened apricot and is hanging out in the limbo between my skin and muscle. It's not really hard or soft--more like a large, slightly undercooked piece of gnocchi. While you can move it back and forth under the skin, I have discovered that that hurts, and that is why I went to the doctor today.
Dr: What are you here for today?
Me: I have a bump on my back. I figured it's probably just a lipoma, but since it hurts I thought I should have it looked at.
Dr: Have you had a lipoma before?
Me: No, but my dog did?
Dr: Your dog? (attempt to hide a laugh) And did you get the lipomas removed?
Me: Yeah, but they came back.
Dr: They can do that. Do you have any cancer in your family?
Me: My grandma died of skin cancer in her colon?
Dr: What?
Me: Skin cancer. What's that called?
Dr: Melanoma
Me: Yeah, she had a melanoma in her colon.
At about that moment, the doctor began to realize what most of you already know -- me and my life are anything but normal. And of course my bump was no exception. The doctor examined it and discovered that, surprise, surprise, it doesn't fit nicely into any category. It could be a lipoma, muscle strain, or something entirely different. So lucky me gets to have an MRI to find out what the bump is made of. At this point it wouldn't surprise me if they discovered that the bump is actually a gestating alien.
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