hiccup hangup

"Is there a pig in the office?"
"Was that a sneeze?"
"Did someone fall down?"

"No, Aleigh just has the hiccups, AGAIN."

Have you ever heard me laugh? It's hardy, jovial, belly laugh that can be heard over great distances and above a crowd. When I see a funny movie, people often end up laughing more at my laugh than the movie. Now imagine all the sound and energy packed into an intense 1 sec burst--that would be my hiccup.

It's so ridiculously loud that people are concerned for my health when they hear it the first time.

"What's wrong?"
"Are you choking?"

It wouldn't be so bad if I only got the hiccups once a year. Unfortunately, I get them once a week, and with no warning. I've tried all the cures. Drinking upside-down, being startled, a spoonful of sugar, eating bread, holding my breath, beating my head against a wall. Nothing works.

Instead, I try to make myself as inconspicuous as possible. If possible I keep my mouth shut which makes the hiccup sound more like a muffled squeak. Since it can still be heard across the room, it's only slightly less embarrassing. This is also how I pick up flattering nicknames like: guinea pig.

There are of course times when I have no choice but to speak and the hiccups, in all their glory, can be heard far and wide. The worst is when I'm on a phone with an important individual.

"I will be send**hiccup**ing that memo, ri**hiccup**ght now."
"Gesundheit"
"Oh it's just the hic**hiccop**cops. I'll be fi**hiccup**ne in just a **hiccup**"
"Why don't you give me a call again after lunch?"

Depending on the day the hiccups will vanish after a few seconds or minutes, and I count myself lucky that I am not the next Charles Osborne ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Osborne) .

Until ne**hiccup**xt time.