Why I'm not a Librarian

I took an aptitude test when I was in 5th grade that stated quite clearly that I should become a librarian, which would be totally awesome if I had any interest in such a career. Unfortunately, I'd rather die than be a librarian, so I ignored the test and went on with my non-librarian life until a few weeks ago, when I got called as the meeting house librarian. Just more evidence that God has a wicked sense of humor.

I am trying to make the most of it, and I've discovered a task that I enjoy. Most librarians call it weeding. I call it, "Let's find stuff to pitch." You see a lot of people like to donate items to the library, which pretty much means they clean off their own bookcases and we get all the extras. Since we haven't had a librarian in a few months those donations have gone unchecked.

So for your reading enjoyment, I've prepared a selection (and display) of some of my favorite items to discard.

First we have the Charlie Brown decorated Pringles cans. While I can think of a few creative purposes for such, I cannot imagine a single scenario where a teacher comes running into the library demanding I provide such.

Then we have the self help section which includes the "Self........Acceptance" tapes and the "Someone Special Starring YOUth" book. I'm going out on a limb with this, but I'm fairly certain that anyone seeking self-help materials is not going to start at the church library.

My personal favorite is the collection of cheesy church related fiction that seems to have accumulated on the shelves. For example: "Captain Matrimony," which is about a math teacher who must break the anti-marriage curse in a small Utah town. Okay seriously, have you ever gone to your chucrh library and asked for the latest Jack Weyland book? Didn't think so. I haven't yet decided what to do with these books. Should I give them away or simply recycle them? Speaking of which, would anyone like to borrow "Captain Matrimony" when I'm done? ;)

I've saved the best for last, the instructional VHS tape titled:

The Computer Museum
"How Computers Work: A Journey into
the Walk-Through Computer"
10/90

Nothing like an 18 year old VHS tape to open your eyes to how those new fangled machines work. Unfortunatly, I can't let anyone check this out until they've first viewed the DVD on how to use a VHS player.

I obviously have my work cut out for me as a meeting house librarian, but who knows, maybe this calling will make me change my mind about becoming a career librarian. If that day ever comes you'll want an umbrella. There will after all be pigs flying about, and I hear they make mess. ;)

Spider Dilemma

This morning I awoke to discover a spider on the blinds above my bed.


Though my mother always encouraged catch and release of the household spider, I have come to prefer the squish and flush method. The precarious placement of this arachnid was the only reason it's fate was not so quickly decided.

It was going to be difficult to kill it in the first attempt due to the odd angle of the blinds. Since my bed is directly below the blinds, I definitely wanted to avoid having an arachnoleptic fit (n. frantic dance performed by one who has dislodged a spider) when it escaped into my bedding. Instead I considered for a moment what to do.

I decided the best thing to do would be to take a picture of it. The flash would startle it enough to get it moving, and with any luck it would move into a more appropriate squishing location, then BAM!

What I discovered instead is that this particular spider wasn't going anywhere since it was enclosed in a web.


I was suddenly stuck with a moral dilemma. Killing this helpless creature was like shooting fish in a barrel. It couldn't very well run away or escape if it had wrapped itself in a web. This spider had obviously chosen this location to hibernate for the winter because it thought it safe from any danger. Could I really do in a spider when it was in its safe place? A place where it could lay its eggs.............with that thought, a vision danced in my head of 100's of 1000's of tiny spiders swarming all over me as I slept.

BAM!
dilemma solved

Get a Life

As my roommate was heading out to the store this morning she asked me if I needed anything. I said, "Could you pick me up a life?"

And she walked back in the door with a whole box of Life for me.

Since you are what you eat, I'm thinking that a bowl of Life everyday might just lead to something good. That something might only be a happy tummy, but I'll take that. ;)

Thanks Michelle for the Life.

Blog Tag - I'm it

I have to admit my first exposure to the game of blog tag was when I got tagged this week. Since it's always interesting to share little odd tidbits of who you are with your friends, I welcomed this opportunity. The only regret I have is that for one of the questions I have to tag six more people. I don't want any of you to feel obligated to continue this game of tag so I'll tell you what. If you read my blog, have a blog of your own, and would like to be one of my six tagees please write a note in the comment section simply saying, "I'm it." That only seems fair. So here we go:

A-Attached or single: Single
B- Best Friend: Don't have one. I'm holding that position for my future husband, but I have many, many wonderfully awesome friends.
C-Cake or Pie: How might peach cobbler fit into this?
D-Day of Choice: I make my best choices on Thursdays.
E- Essential Item: unfortunately Diet Coke, but I've started a 12 step program for the 6th time.
F- Favorite Color: Shades of lavender
G- Gummi Bears or Worms: I really dislike binary questions. Swedish Fish anyone?
H- Hometown: Midvale, UT
I- Indulgence(s): Diet Coke and Stargate SG1
J- January or July: Those have got to be the two worst months of the year. One is way too hot and the other is way too cold. I'll take the other 10 months.
K-Kids: Issac Connor and Taiya Bryn. They just haven't been conceived yet.
L-Life is incomplete without: Laughing
M- Marriage Date: If I choose, will it come? Let's go with August 10 of 20??
N- Number of Siblings:4 (2 bros and 2 sisters)
O- Oranges or Apples: Fuji apples hands down, but I love clementines too. Do those count as oranges?
P- Phobias or Fears: I have this issue with germs. If I share my spoon, fork, or soda with you, you can assume 1 of 3 things
1) I have kissed you
2) I want to kiss you
3) I've gone through a 3 min. internal argument to convince myself that your germs are okay and there is no reason I shouldn't say, "Sure you can use your spoon to take a taste of my icecream sunday."
Q- Quote: "On my world are the people are ponies, and they eat rainbows and poop butterflies."
R- Reason To Smile: Smiles are contagious. Whenever I see one I want to smile too.
S- Season: The Christmas Season
T- Tag Six: (see opening paragraph)
U- Unknown Fact About Me: Uh, how can I answer this? If I tell you something, then it's known and is no longer the answer.
V- Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animal: Dude who wrote this question? I do indeed eat meat, although my family has occasionally accused me of going vegetarian.
W- Worst Habit: using the words, "marvy," "awesome," "brill," and "lovely" far too often
X- X-Rays or Ultrasounds: What is this? My superpower of choice? The superpower of Ultrasound would be different. I'll go with that.
Y- Your Favorite Food: florentine canolis from Mike's Patries. I only get it a maximum of once a year, and it takes me two days to eat it, but I looooooove it.
Z- Zippers or Zebras: This has got to be the weirdest questions thus far. I think I'll create a campaign called zippers for zebras where people can donate their old zippers to save the zebras. If it is a question of which I would rather wear. Zippers are more useful and zebras are too heavy so I guess I'll say zipper.

Now you know my ABC's next time won't you sing with me. ;)

Feeling a Little Blue

I woke up this morning feeling a little blue. Okay a lot blue. No need to fear though, I subscribe to the Sesame Street podcast and if anyone could cheer me up it would have to be Sesame Street. I didn't have much hope in today's episode until I got to this segment with Bert and Ernie, and then I couldn't help but laugh.

And just remember if you are having a less than special day, run your fingers through your hair and remember that no one else has hair like yours. Hmmm, that sounds less insulting when coming from Bert and Ernie. ;)

Evil Sticky Tree

My street is lined with trees, which to the casual onlooker appears to provide shade and beauty to the neighborhood. However, those of us that must park our cars on this street can tell you that these trees are pure evil. In fact I call them the Evil Sticky Trees.

All summer long a fine sprinkling of stickiness fell from the leaves, coating anything and everything underneath with a layer of honey-like substance. If you happened to leave your car under one of these trees for a day or two you may discover it difficult to see through the windows.



And if you leave it under a tree for a week or more, you may have trouble opening the door because your car is completely covered from hood to trunk with icky, sticky, grossness.



For awhile I held the opinion that these trees were in actuality carnivorous plants. In their natural habitat, they drip their venom upon passing creatures, pinning them to the ground. I figured the venom also contained some sort of digestive enzyme (evidenced by my car's ruined paint job) which would break their prey down into vital nutrients that could then be absorbed into the tree's root system.

A pretty good theory if I do say so myself. If I hadn't wanted to know when the stickiness would end, I probably would have let it go at that, but no, I had to dig a little deeper. As it turns out these are Linden trees, and........


...they are not carnivorous.:( According to treehelp.com these trees are often "plagued by aphids." The aphids suck the trees sap and excrete "a clear, sweet, sticky substance known as "honeydew." So guess what my friends, my car has been smothered in disgusting bug excrement, poop, crap, feces, etc. I think I liked the venom idea better.

Internship Reflections

My internship ended over two weeks ago and while I search for a new job, I can't help but reminisce about what I will miss most. As you read, perhaps you will understand why this was the best summer ever, and why it might be difficult to incorporate it into my resume.

1. Friends and Coworkers.All the inside jokes will live on in infamy. I will never again think of CPR, velociraptors, or turtles without laughing my head off.

2. FETCH! Kids
I really wish I could tell you all about these six fabulous kids, but I'm afraid I cannot. Since these episodes will not air until next September, I can only tell you that I'm going to miss everything about them.

3. Nicknames and Public Service Announcements
One of the FETCH kid's nicknamed me Allyoop. Whenever he saw me, I was treated to the following public service announcement:

Allyoop, score. Hey kid's basketball is fun, but do you know what isn't.......drugs.

and

Step on a crack, break your mother's back.
Turn around and smoke the crack, break your mother's heart.

and

Smoking causes cancer so don't.... smoke.......tumors.

4. Unusual Errands
When I signed of for this internship, I could never have imagined I'd hear these words:

"Please zip over to Dave's Soda and Pet City to purchase a scorpion"

5. Unique Tasks--Chicken Guard and Personal Assistant

Goal: "Do whatever it takes to keep this chicken sitting right there."

This included:

• - Sitting on a barrel for 3 hours
• - Overcoming a fear of bird beaks
• - Making friends with the chicken and naming her Henrietta
• - Hand-feeding her corn on the cob
• - Overfeeding her to the point of complete exhaustion
• - Running interference between curious children and Henrietta
  

6. Seeing New England upclose and personal
Before this internship I had seen much of the Massachusetts coastline, but not much else. After 12 short weeks this summer, I can honestly say I've seen Massachusetts.


7. Incidental Art
This was simply a piece of poster board that was used to absorb the extra paint while I modified a costume for one of the FETCH kid's.

Please indulge my internal psychologist and tell me what you see in this ink blot. (if you say Easter Egg, we can no longer be friends.) ;)


Conclusion:
Walking out the front doors of WGBH after the wrap party was one of the hardest thing I've ever done. With all honesty I can tell you this job was by far the most work and the most fun I've ever experienced. Like I've been telling all my friends all summer, the only way it could have been any better was if I got paid. ;)