Procrastination to a Whole New Level

As deadlines flashed before my eyes and little or no progress had been made on my projects, I decided something must be done to get my chronic procrastination under control. I needed help, but my measily bank account could not afford me regular visits to a psychologist, a life-coach, or even extra phone calls home. So I did what 1,000's--perhaps millions--of Americans do when they realize their life is out of control, I went to the self-help section of the bookstore.

Simply stepping into that section is an accomplishment for me. Why can't they organize these books by topic instead of author? I feel so inadequate as I search through the titles "Goodbye to Shy," "One Small Step Can Change Your Life," " The Surrendered Single," "Master Your Anxiety," "Challenging the Artist Within," and "The Manual." I suddenly can't breath. My heartbeat is racing. Do I need help with dating? Am I shy? Do I have an artist within? Where's my mommy? I need my blankie!! Aaahahahahahahaahaaaaaaaahahahahahhahahah.........

Once I got a grip of my sanity, I refocused on the goal at hand: procrastination. Searching high and low, avoiding all the relationship blah-blah books, I finally found three with promise. My favorite is the "The 60 Second Procrastinator." Designed for the procrastinator with ADHD, you don't need to read it straight through. It gives you 60 practical tools (3-4 pages each) for combating procrastination. The second book is "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway." It looks like a good book, but I'll need to use some tips from the first book to help me read this one through to completion. The third book is called "A Year to Live." It's a great concept--spend one year as if it is the last year of your life. I predict that in five years, when I look at the book still sitting unread on my bookcase, I will probably consider reading it.

Two hours after my arrival, I paid $50 for all my books and left the store. As I waited for the subway I pulled out "The 60 Second Procrastinator" to see what wisdom it would impart. I opened to #18 Minimize Distractions. That's when it hit me. I had just wasted a whole lot of time and money procrastinating my projects because I was distracted by searching for ways to avoid procrastinating. You know I may want to reconsider investing in a good psychologist. ;)

I don't procrastinate, I collect distractions

How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?

ANSWER:

Two. One to hold the giraffe while the other fills
the bathtub with brightly colored bicycles.

As a chronic procrastinator, I have the habit of filling my schedule with random distractions to prevent finding any time for the dreaded necessities. Which in short means seemly innocent pastimes become massive roadblocks to my progress.

If you will humor me, I'd like to tell you about a dream I had a little over a year ago.

The dream begins at my parents house on my wedding day. Most brides have notebooks, planners, organizers, and PDA's filled with all the details for this once in a lifetime event. I however did not. Instead of making wedding plans during the previous weeks, I had purchased a puppy and had spent all of my free time housetraining it.

When the big day arrives I wait until midmorning to go to the church to begin getting ready. For some reason I think it would be quick and easy so I bring my teenage niece and a younger nephew along as my only helpers, but I discover a few set backs. First, my wedding dress won't stay on my shoulders and keeps falling off. Then my niece then points out that I haven't showered and my hair isn't done.

Just then my nephew begins to tantrum because he's incredibly bored, and my niece takes him home. As I start going through my clothing options, and consider postponing the wedding, my sister comes in to help with the dress. Taking control of the situation she starts off by saying “How about some color?” Although a colored wedding dress isn't exactly what I had in mind, I let her take control.

As we try to figure out what I can possibly do about a dress, I ask her what she thinks of my fiancee, at which point I am suddenly hit with the realization that I have no idea who my fiancee is, and then I wake up.

What we've got here is a major undertaking (a wedding), a distraction (a puppy), and a no planning (wedding dress mishap, grungy hair, and a mystery fiancee). As much as I hate to say it, I've seen this pattern in my life on more than one occasion. I am a renowned collector of distractions which keeps me from planning for most major undertaking which leads to........(drum roll)............disaster.

With my current plan to film my Masters project on January 20th, I am hoping that I can somehow turn this around. So if I even mention a puppy in the next 2 months you have my permission to slap me silly.