Why I'm not a Librarian

I took an aptitude test when I was in 5th grade that stated quite clearly that I should become a librarian, which would be totally awesome if I had any interest in such a career. Unfortunately, I'd rather die than be a librarian, so I ignored the test and went on with my non-librarian life until a few weeks ago, when I got called as the meeting house librarian. Just more evidence that God has a wicked sense of humor.

I am trying to make the most of it, and I've discovered a task that I enjoy. Most librarians call it weeding. I call it, "Let's find stuff to pitch." You see a lot of people like to donate items to the library, which pretty much means they clean off their own bookcases and we get all the extras. Since we haven't had a librarian in a few months those donations have gone unchecked.

So for your reading enjoyment, I've prepared a selection (and display) of some of my favorite items to discard.

First we have the Charlie Brown decorated Pringles cans. While I can think of a few creative purposes for such, I cannot imagine a single scenario where a teacher comes running into the library demanding I provide such.

Then we have the self help section which includes the "Self........Acceptance" tapes and the "Someone Special Starring YOUth" book. I'm going out on a limb with this, but I'm fairly certain that anyone seeking self-help materials is not going to start at the church library.

My personal favorite is the collection of cheesy church related fiction that seems to have accumulated on the shelves. For example: "Captain Matrimony," which is about a math teacher who must break the anti-marriage curse in a small Utah town. Okay seriously, have you ever gone to your chucrh library and asked for the latest Jack Weyland book? Didn't think so. I haven't yet decided what to do with these books. Should I give them away or simply recycle them? Speaking of which, would anyone like to borrow "Captain Matrimony" when I'm done? ;)

I've saved the best for last, the instructional VHS tape titled:

The Computer Museum
"How Computers Work: A Journey into
the Walk-Through Computer"
10/90

Nothing like an 18 year old VHS tape to open your eyes to how those new fangled machines work. Unfortunatly, I can't let anyone check this out until they've first viewed the DVD on how to use a VHS player.

I obviously have my work cut out for me as a meeting house librarian, but who knows, maybe this calling will make me change my mind about becoming a career librarian. If that day ever comes you'll want an umbrella. There will after all be pigs flying about, and I hear they make mess. ;)