Dedicated to my fellow New Englanders who are thinking of moving to LA.
Here's what you need to know:
Driving – Drive like normal (ie like a maniac), but do it faster, and try not to curse out the drivers who have no clue how to really parallel park. I also wouldn't recommend banging a left unless you can move at the speed of light, and don't really care about the right side of your car.
Blue Tooth – You must have one, and wear it whenever you are driving. It does not matter whether or not you are planning to make or take any phone calls. In fact you don’t even need to own a cell phone. It’s simply required driving attire.
Donuts and Frozen Yogurt – There are mom and pop donut shops in every strip mall and corner market, and anyone who has lived in LA for longer than a month has a favorite. There are also a million frozen yogurt shops because frozen yogurt is a health food even when you eat an entire pint covered in gummy bears, Heath Bars, sprinkles, and chocolate syrup.
Freeways – You must always use the word “the” in front of the Freeway number (“the” 405, “the” 5, “the” 91). Otherwise the conversation will go something like this:
“I’m going to take 405 to San Diego.”
“What are you taking to San Diego?”
“405”
“4 or 5 what?”
“THE 405 freeway”
“Well, why didn’t you say so to begin with?”
Palm Trees – Sure they look nice but avoid standing or parking directly below them. They tend to drop their leaves/branches, which weigh about the same as a small cow.
People – Sometimes random strangers will smile and wave at you. They are not weird, psycho stalkers. They are simply friendly. There is no need to avoid eye contact or walk faster to get away from them. Instead, try smiling and waving back.
Adjustment – After much scientific research (ie asking everyone I meet, including Steve, the waiter in Malibu) the general consensus is that it takes about 2 - 3 years for anyone to feel like LA to really home. So don't worry if you're still feeling a bit like an outsider after a few months, that's absolutely normal. And remember this song is for you (unless you hate Miley music. If that's the case, click here). :D
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11 comments:
I'm seriously laughing out loud. My favorite donut place is in Lennox. I love the frozen yogurt, and friendly people still scare me. AWESOME!
you are brilliant! it is so true and i've only successfully banged a left once... actually i only tried it once... otherwise i was too concerned for my car!
oh and i love Randy's donuts near the airport... i had another favorite place that was across from the temple, but they closed while i was in boston... see my friends tribute to the LDS (local donut shops) http://mohsocool.blogspot.com/2009/01/no-lds-in-eugene.html
Thanks guys. Right now my favorite local donut shop is Spudnuts......I haven't actually eaten anything there yet, but I will. And I know I will like it because it's got a great name. :)
So inspiring. You are an amazing writer. And so true...of not just LA but all of southern California!
I love reading your blog.
My dad served his mission in New England and still today he refers to any eratic driving techniques and the "Boston Bluff." I pull those often and apparently would fit right in in LA. I don't however, think I have ever "banged a left," but am looking forward to trying it.
I don't currently do the "bluetooth" thing, but will make sure I get one if I move to LA. I did however see a lady (70+ yrs old) at my parents ward wearing hers all through church. It made me laugh.
My sister used to take the 21st South freeway to work and she always referred to it as jumping on "the 2-0-1." She made it sound so fun. I think I might start throwing "the" in front of the freeways here. And I don't think you can say "the fifteen," doesn't it have to be "the one five?"
Now you're talking West. I got all homesick on your frozen yogurt comment, though I consider ice cream to fit in with it. East Coast shuts down the sparse ice cream at Labor Day and I'm desolate. And the smiling, waving, non-psycho strangers... miss them.
i intend to use your guide extensively if i ever find myself living in the LA area.
well done Miss R.
Seriously, you Rick ROll'd me?
Why yes, yes I did Dave. Too bad you don't like Miley. :)
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