My Problem As I See It

As a former psychology major, I know that self-assessment has it's drawbacks and lacks a certain validity. Keeping that all in mind I'd like to delve into why I think I am currently in mental mess right now.

A long time ago I heard this story:

Once there was a man whose house had fallen into disrepair, and needed renovations. Not knowing how to do the repairs himself, the man asked an architect if he would take on this difficult job. The architect gladly agreed and started immediately by reinforcing the foundation and structure of the house. The man was so impressed with the architect's work that he quickly agreed to let the architect renovate the interior of the house as well. The architect was granted complete access to every room of the house except a small closet under the stairs.

Again the man was impressed with the architect's work and his attention to detail. However, as the renovations were underway, the architect informed the man that he must have access to that closet if the renovations were to continue. The man refused and began to pitch a fit. How dare the architect ask to see this closet. Hadn't the man given the architect access to every other room of the house? Wasn't he entitled to have a little piece of his home to himself? In truth the man was both ashamed and a little possessive of the closet's contents. He couldn't see why the architect needed to touch the closet anyway--afterall it was tucked away in a corner and had no affect on the structure or appearance of the house.

Without access to that closet the architect had no choice but to stop work on the renovations. It did not take long for the condition of the home to again deteriorate without the assistance of the architect. After awhile the man recognized the need for the renovations to continue, and he finally let the architect back into his life by allowing him access to the secret closet. As the contents of the closet were dredged into the light, the man could finally see the mildew, mold, and poison that were contained there in. With the same meticulous attention to detail that had used in repairing the rest of the house, the architect cleaned the closet thoroughly and repaired the damage those contents had caused.

I am afraid that I have become like the man in this parable. While I try to live a Christ-like life and open my heart to the Holy-Ghost, I am in truth holding back. Deep in the recesses of my soul there are fears, anxieties, and resentments that I have tried to hide from both God and myself. Although they were hidden from sight, they still influenced my life, poisoning my soul from the inside out.

It is time that I turn my whole heart and soul over to God and allow him to cleanse this poison from my soul. I know this, yet I continue to resist, and that my friends is why I am in a bit of mental mess right now.