Dirty Ducks

6:30 AM:
I wake up to what sounds like Donald Duck cussing someone out. I put my pillow over my ears and try to go back to sleep.

6:35 AM:
The noise continues. I get out of bed and look out the window. A couple ducks are getting busy in my neighbor's pool. I silently berate myself for not investing in a pellet gun, and attempt to go back to bed.

6:41 AM:
Noise gets louder. I look out the window again. The male duck is attempting to drown the female duck. I briefly considered Darwin's theory of natural selection, and how the duck--as a species--is better off if stupid ducks who can't figure out how to procreate, don't.

6:42 AM:
I hear my roommates in the common room yelling at the ducks from the balcony. I exit my room in time to see my roommate go out the front door. I go to the balcony, and realize there are actually 3 ducks, a female and male who are trying to mate and another male who is trying to drown them both.

6:44 AM:
My roommate somehow gains access to the pool enclosure to shoo the birds. The homicidal duck flies to the top of our roof and continues to squawk, while the mating couple move to the far end of the pool.

6:48 AM:
My roommate returns to the apartment, where no one is going back to sleep because we now have Donald Duck in surround sound.

6:50 AM
The homicidal duck rejoins the mating pair and continues to try to kill them both. My roommate's husband goes out to put a stop to the fighting. The mating male duck chases away the homicidal duck before the roommate's husband can stage an intervention. I go back to my bedroom.

6:55 AM
I look out my bedroom window to see my roommate's husband in the pool enclosure attempting to feed the ducks bread crumbs. For some reason the ducks aren't interested in the bread......Gee, I wonder why.

6:56 AM:
I put on my running shoes and went for a run with the hopes that the whole thing is resolved by the time I get home so I can go back to bed.

8:00 AM:
I return home after my run. The ducks are gone. My roommates are gone. All is quiet, but I can't go back to sleep. And that my friend is why I'm writing this blog post right now, and why I have a grievance against dirty ducks.